Thursday, March 4, 2010

March Adoption Update

I don't know if there's much point to sharing this, because our overall status hasn't changed, but I'm going to do it anyway. Last month I updated everyone that our profile had been sent out to two birthmothers during the month of January. Well obviously we haven't heard anything back and we haven't been matched yet because this blog post would have a much different tone. I spoke with our agency again a few days ago to get another update and find out how things are going. She told me that two more hard copies of our profile had gone out during February, and that doesn't include the copies that were sent out via fax or email (which they don't keep numbers of), but still no more information. This is both exciting and disheartening at the same time. Our agent explained to me that many of the birthmothers who contact their agency for information and profiles simply never contact them again. They either decide to parent the baby themselves or end up working with a different adoption agency. Then in other cases, as I mentioned in my last update, they're simply taking their time going through all the paperwork because they aren't very far along in their pregnancies and aren't in any rush to make a decision.

It's a frustrating place for us to be. Having been matched so quickly the first time around, this waiting period is utterly agonizing. Throw on top of that the fact that we were matched for so long before our previous birthmother changed her mind and I begin to realize that we have been doing this for over eight months. I keep hearing stories about other adoptive families who were matched for only a few weeks before their disruption only to be rematched within DAYS and bringing home their baby within two or three WEEKS. I'm happy for those couples, but I really can't stand to hear their stories anymore. You have no idea what it's like to go through an experience like ours if your tragic loss came and went so quickly. It just isn't the same. I had months to get myself attached to the idea of bringing home that little girl, and I've had to live with a fully furnished and empty nursery for nearly six months now.

And those of you who were able to get pregnant the very first time you tried, or before you were even trying at all, please don't complain about how hard your pregnancy has been when I'm around to hear you. None of you are on bed rest or hospitalized, so keep your petty complaints to yourself. Perhaps you should focus your energy on how lucky and blessed you are instead. A little gratitude for how easy you have it would be appreciated. I don't want to sound like it's all about me, because it's not, but a friend should be more sensitive to the fact that we're still grieving at our house. I can only handle so much baby-related stuff with friends in a given day. And some days I can't handle it at all. Sometimes the sight of you or your Facebook status about junior doing this-or-that-adorable-thing makes me burst into tears and damages my sense of self-worth for days. Is it your fault? Of course not. But that doesn't make things any easier for me. A little consideration for my feelings once in a while, though, would assuage the blow.

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